Was it ever in your heart?

Many a year ago, in my kingdom by the sea,
I sat on the shore and heard the world scream
its inconsequentialities with the intensity of a failed dream.
There was nothing on the seashore but a few shells and me
and though the waves roared like the titans roared in entrapment
as they strained against their bonds, waves and mountains,
all I heard was the inner voice, was it ever in your heart?
Many a year ago, in the small kingdom by the sea,
I sat alone upon my gargoyle throne
in that dull lit room inside of me.
There was nothing but a silence
stripped of all desire to control and its attendant violence
roaming through dark melancholy
and as I refrained ‘was it ever in your heart?’
All my thoughts turned unholy,
all I could think of was my self-loss.
though I had opened my hand, all those doubts remained,
‘Could you have ever loved me?’ dully refrained
in this kingdom by the sea, by the raging stormy sea.
In this instant I became a pagan, devoted to a long dead creed
enamoured of immolation upon a pyre,
but then my sanity returned and upon the pyre I threw my stillborn desire
and returned to impartially listening to the din of the tempestuous sea,
the raging titans and the wailings of a stricken humanity.

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